girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize