When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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