why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
