Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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