Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
