You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize