so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
