im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
