I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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