Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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