I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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