Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
