never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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