he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
