I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
