He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
