I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
