i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
