I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize