??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
