she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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