i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
