i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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