I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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