Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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