She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
