he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
