Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
