I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Damn victory sex feels great
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
