Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
