Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
