It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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