Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize