how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I smell like Dick and happiness
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
