Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
