can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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