Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
