Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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