I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
