Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize