She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
