shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
