are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you had me at cake vodka
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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