connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
