I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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