she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize