so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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