9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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