Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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