I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
