I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize