if you like me you must not know who I am
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
