is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
