im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
