she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
