feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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