her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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