This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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