my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
is it fun? or sober?
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