lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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