tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
