I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
