I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
