i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
