i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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