I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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