Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
