I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
