I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
