I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
