Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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