a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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