just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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