Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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